What Breaks Your Heart?

What was the greatest thing that Jesus Christ had ever done in your life? What have He saved you from? 

Of course I know from SIN basically but I believe there was this inevitable God-shaped void in every man's heart that He got filled when we first met Jesus. It can be from depression, insecurity, heartache, inferiority, fear, doubt, shame, anxiety, lawlessness, homosexuality, discouragement, lust, greed, etc

Well to me, God perfectly came through my life in the midst of self-alienation; shove off all the lies about myself being never good enough,  took away the sense of insecurity about what others say about me, discarded my insatiable yearning for approval and belongingness, junked away all the sins that I thought I can never get away, and repaired a completely wrecked heart.

That was how God made me whole, reassembled my torn heart with the very bits of debris left.

So now, WHAT BREAKS YOUR HEART?

At this very moment, I regularly check the stuffs which trigger my lacrimal gland to function. What are the things that concern me the most? What are the things that take most of my time up? What are the things that I put my heart into? What do my thoughts and speech denote a lot? Are these Kingdom-related (as it should be) or flesh-related? Are they even of God or of my selfishness?

As the technology advances, the modern world is all the more becoming  illusive, unreasonable and senseless. Not only the world itself, most that is within it as well. Video games, social networking sites, television, gadgets, sports, celebrities, fictional 'things', and many other things. Oh, not to mention our concerns about numbers; size, weight, age and even likes on Facebook! (I'm not excluding myself from these things. I'm also guilty. But God's grace! Ah!)

Recently, our youth group had finished through the whole book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I remember one discussion night when we talked about the "Profiles of a Lukewarm". You tell about one of the most convicting nights we ever had, having a clear view of where we're at in our walks with God.

"We become lukewarm when we start to diffuse our focus on one of these three important personas; God, people and ourselves. We can focus on loving God but forget loving on people, vice versa. We can start to pray for ourselves (which is very vital on our walks) but neglect the people we need to pray about. And lastly, we can completely value ourselves and others better but take God out of the picture. Figuratively, Hate is not the antonym of Love, it is falling OUT of Love. When we fall out of love from one of those significant parts of the puzzle, it proposes a missing link that would most assuredly keep us at a distance to being the followers God wants us to be. We can not love God and hate on other people. We can not love others and bear grudges about and in yourself.  We can not love ourselves and deny our need of tender dependence to God's love. Wherever the balance is missing, there the lukewarmness is."

And there's NO other person rather than Jesus who knows our situations better. He knows our hearts. He knows our thoughts. He knows us very well. Nothing is hidden from Him. In MATTHEW 15:17-20, He excellently demonstrated His full wisdom regarding our very nature and composition, how He intricately knows us as we are even subjectively.

                  “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”

Jesus stated clearly that righteousness was never concluded by our action and show, instead it was elucidated by the very depths of our innermost motives. And in the most untimely situations, our human tendencies always lead us to bringing our focal points to ourselves. No matter how much we want to see Jesus be reflected in our lives, our sins, our flesh and it's desires are like mirrors surrounding us on every sides, bouncing rays of lights back to our eyes. Well, it's really a danger and a bit of discouragement. That is why there's no other way to look at but UP. Look up!

We see hope as we look up, we see deliverance coming through if we set our eyes to Jesus, seeking after His light and expectantly waiting for His rescue. If we open ourselves to vulnerability and humility, we can see Christ reaching out our every cries for grace. We can see the Holy Spirit coming down from heaven, anointing our very hearts through conviction and genuine repentance. And we see this in the later part of that chapter about the faith of the Canaanite  woman whose heart was breaking because of her demon-possessed daughter. (Matthew 15:21-28)

Unfortunately, it's so easy for us to look at ourselves and to the waves. It's so easy for us to give in to our selfishness  and forget what we're called for. We look at ourselves and still overemphasize our imperfections, neglecting the fact that God had made us perfect in His sight (Ephesians 1:4). We gave the world the power to make and break us by letting it define us, conforming to it's filthy desires, and making it our heaven. We submit our hearts easily to it's own course and leave us bearing endless, burdensome longing and discontent, trying to fill in our hearts with a loophole that only God can suffice.

Sometimes, we think of ourselves as the most miserable, most hopeless people in the world. Our troubles are as shallow as our ungratefulness to the abundance that had been made available to us. Our only concern doesn't go beyond ourselves, it's always about us; how ugly we are (when in fact, there are countless physically disabled and mentally challenged people who are just thankful they're alive), how fat we are (when in fact, most of the countries in the entire world are dying because of starvation, poverty and hoarding), how uncool we are for not having those cool earthly stuffs (when in fact, only a few out of hundreds are able to go to college because they got no chance to even taste a decent meal for a day), how broke we are for not being able to buy what we want (when in fact, many people can't even afford  their daily needs), how lonely we are because no one seems to like us and pursue us (when in fact, there are numerous homeless, orphans, widows that we see outside of our backyard).

We exhaust ourselves to these petty demands that we are not actually scarce of! "We are loaded with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for a small loaf." As Francis Chan would describe.  Instead of channeling these desires away from ourselves, we continue on rolling our eyes as if we don't see a need in front of us. And ironically, those of us who have plenty are the stingiest givers!

Well again, I'm not excluding myself from this convictions. I, too, am so guilty of this. And I can't imagine how I can care less for these people, not to mention those who are on my reach, and continue on living in this weakling, defeated, discontent Spirit. In a miserable state of mind as if God is deaf to not hear our desires and weak to not mend our hearts. This is not I'm called for, neither you are. 

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to LAY OUR LIVES FOR OUR BROTHERS.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on Him, HOW CAN THE LOVE OF GOD BE IN HIM?  Dear children, LET US NOT LOVE WITH WORDS OR TONGUE BUT WITH ACTIONS AND IN TRUTH. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence," ~1 John 3:16-19

We ought to get our ungrateful, trivial selves off our own pedestal and start to live the way that pleases God. We ought to stop appealing complete satisfaction outside from Christ. We ought to purify our hearts from it's superficiality and really let God preserve it away from our own care because 'the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

There's only ONE who knows how bad it is. "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." (1 John 3:20)

God is greater than our hearts, we can be sure that He can heal our fleshly natures if only we believe He will do so and trust that He will not fail in the process. He knows our every motives and that is what He's looking at (1 Samuel 16:7). Not that God wants us to suffer by heartbreaking, but instead what breaks our hearts must be what breaks His: Famine, war, human exploitation, injustice, death, addiction, crime, scarcity of love, unrepentance, lost souls to name some of the many. At least care about these things, we will all the more becoming like Christ, all the more being a delight to God, all the more living as children He saved for. He already did the salvation for our part, we don't need to save ourselves again and again, but through us salvation will come to others homes. 

           "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter." ~2 Corinthians 7:10-11 

Instead of self-pity, Godly sorrow is important to stir up passion for other people that leads to submitting to the Greatest Commandments. Out of God's outpouring love, we respond in loving Him and loving others as we love ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). It will make a lot more difference if we treat each and every people and encounters as Jesus Christ. How would we care for them if look at them as if they were God.

“I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, WHATEVER YOU DID FOR ONE OF THE LEAST OF THESE BROTHERS OF MINE, YOU DID FOR ME” (Matthew 25:42-43;45)

How Blessed I Am

Insecure, jealous, lonely, burnt out, lost,  desperate, uncertain, inadequate, empty, left behind, in-denial, sinful,  ungrateful,   insatiable,  miserable,   hopeless 

             Three sweet years ago, I was the kind of person nobody would like. I used to live in the dark world of compromise and self-fulfillment. Compliment, favor, flattery and praise were all my self-worth. I was always the most attention-seeking, people-pleasing, acceptance-pursuing damsel behind somebody's shadow. I guess, I was the most bitter, ungrateful, hardest and unhappiest person at that time; not because of what I have and don't have and what I went through or not, but simply because I drowned myself in gigantic despair.

           Now, I am here facing my computer with an offensive smile, laughing at the thoughts of my past life. If I would have a mirror in front of me with a now-and-before reflection, I would have a painful bruise from a slap of my previous self's vexation because of the grin of embarrassment in the look of my face. Like a very sarcastic, "Girl, what have you put yourself through? What a waste of excessive bitterness over your own insecurities!" I would be outrageously mad, back then.

           Well, that's the story of my petty, messy, heavy-laden old self.

And now, looking back...

          O' how I love looking back at my past! It always brings me back to the place of gratefulness and humility; understanding how I need God in my life and how I don't want to go back in that same position, old version of me. "Remember that in those days you were living utterly apart from Christ; you were enemies of God's children, and He had promised you no help. YOU WERE LOST, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT HOPE." ~Ephesians 2:23

           Finding myself on that first time I fell at Jesus' feet, time and again, is such a very humbling and vital experience that any of us should never neglect. It's good to always come back to that epic day when our lives have drastically changed by His amazing grace, that way we will never miss out of the ever-changing freshness of this sweet revelation of God's goodness in our lives. And God has done enormously of the most precious things in my life that I will never forget!

     "Praise the Lord , my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." ~Psalm 103:1-5

            Acknowledging His unconditional love and tender mercies always blow my head off. Who am I? What am I? What did I do and not do? Why did He love me when I'm most unlovable? Why is He so kind and faithful and gracious and loving and, and ...?" These are some of my curious questions. And God answered me little by little.

"But God is so rich in mercy; HE LOVED US SO MUCH that even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead---only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved---and lifted us from the grave into glory along with Christ, where He sit with Him in the heavenly realms---all because of what Christ Jesus did." ~Ephesians 2:4

            It's NEVER because of who we are, but it's because of everything He is. It's NEVER because of what we have done, but it's because of what Christ had done. It's NEVER because we chose to follow Him, but it's because He first chose us even before the world ever existed.

"Long ago, even before He made the world, GOD CHOSE US TO BE HIS VERY OWN THROUGH WHAT CHRIST WOULD DO FOR US; He decided then to make us holy in His eyes, without a single fault---we who stand before Him covered with His love. HIS UNCHANGING PLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO ADOPT US INTO HIS OWN FAMILY BY SENDING JESUS CHRIST TO DIE FOR US. And He did this because He wanted to!" ~Ephesians 1:4-5

                "There is nothing more humbling than to know that God Himself CHOSE us, among everyone else to be His friends and His sons and daughters. Why are you the one that He saved? Why not that annoying person who holds up the line? Why not that nice person who helps the poor with more than you do? Why not your close friend who was always there for you? Why you? Why me? I don't know why. But there's only one thing that I know: If God's grace had never come through in my life, I would never be this happy, content and satisfied, I would never like my life in the first place. Never."

               I will never forget of the pit which God has risen me up from, the sea of desperation and needless yearnings He helped me disembark from, and the monster on my own frame He rescued me from, for out of this awareness comes the overflowing thanksgiving from my mouth! "For I can never forget these awful years; always my soul will live in utter shame. But there is one ray of HOPE: HIS COMPASSION NEVER ENDS. It is only the Lord's mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; HIS LOVING KINDNESS BEGINS AFRESH EACH DAY. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I WILL HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him, to those who seek for Him. It is good both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." ~Lamentations 3:2o-25

               Wow! God, this is so crazy! Truly, blessed are those who chose to follow Jesus, who received His salvation by faith, who humbled themselves constantly to the Lord, who sought His face and His kingdom first, whose trust is in the Lord alone, who learned to acclaim Him and who persisted on walking in the light of His presence! The Bible says that, ""King David spoke of this describing the HAPPINESS of an undeserving sinner who is declared "NOT GUILTY" by God. 'BLESSED and to be ENVIED,' he said, 'are those whose sins are forgiven and put out of sight. Yes, what a JOY  there is for anyone whose sins are no longer counted against him by the Lord.'" ~Romans 4:6-7

               After everything that I had become before and all that I had done wrong, God looked past all of that. Knowing that "because of what Christ has done, we have become GIFTS TO GOD THAT HE DELIGHTS IN, as part of God's sovereign plan we were chosen from the beginning to be His," (Ephesians 1:11) And I can never be more than grateful. I can safely say that I'm one of the living testimonies of God's ultimate power to transforming lives and to making everything new! Yes, I'm still on the on-going process of being what God has called me to be, but fully grasping and being rooted with my salvation and blessed hope are enough to get me there. This is not a make-believe kind of thing. This is not a mere interesting idea that I just made up on my mind, something so wonderful that it feels surreal. 

No, this is the TRUTH! And this is my testimony.

Philippians 3:12:

                 "I don't mean to say I am PERFECT. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be."                                                                                           

Running In Circles

"I'm so forgetful but You always remind me

You're the only One who brings me peace

You're the only One who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come

I come, I come

To tell you I love You

To tell you I need You

To tell You there's no better place for me than in Your arms

To tell You I'm sorry for running in circles

For placing my focus on the waves and not Your face

You're the only one who brings me peace

You're the only one who brings me peace"

    Lately, I've been just so busy with my life, my distractions, my battles. I found a great danger in own walk with God when I feel like I get petty revelations from Him. I feel so caught up with myself, my own ways, that I became too complacent and too insensitive of His presence. But to make it clear, God has been pressing in some new revelations  within me to rekindle my faith; I was just so busy to put it up on words. My heart and mind were just all over the place, running in circles.

              Praise be to God that even when I'm too dumb to take Him for granted, He never fails. So I've been meditating on this verse that God has given me this week. It's so powerful and alive!

               "Even when we are too WEAK to have any faith left, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are PART OF HIMSELF, and He will always carry out His promises to us." ~2Timothy 2:13

      It's so overwhelming to know that even when our loyalty to God fails, HE STILL REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US. Our feelings CANNOT change His faithfulness; HE NEVER CHANGES. Even when we choose not to trust Him because it feels like it doesn't make sense, it only takes a blind man to see the invisible. But then again, it doesn't change His character towards us. So loving and kind, slow to anger and rich in love! 

                I can't still understand how God does this; how His mercies are new every morning, how He is so patient with us ungrateful, proud mere creatures, how He Himself, the Creator, reminds us of His unfailing love and unwavering faith that we'll see the way He sees and how He lets us savor and experience His grace again  and again, with new perspective and encounter.

                In the midst of the hurricane in my heart and knot-tied chaos on my head, He is the peace in the middle of the storm. He is the arm that catches me at the edge. His wing covers me, and declared me perfect instead on His eyes of mercy. He lets me come boldly to His throne with unveiled eyes and with unashamed soul. He came through to my every despair, He had always come through to carry out His promises for me!

                I love How He sweep me off my feet like this! My Spirit leaps for joy to know that I have a Father like this----the only perfect Father who loves me perfectly, all of me, despite me! A constant Lover and Forgiver, who's mercy and grace never run out of me.