Here in my Life

"How do I know God is real? 

I am not the same old person I was before. 

Only a powerful Being could ever do such change in a person's life. Only the Creator can transform the human being He very created."

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            My life was totally different three years ago. It's very fascinating how a single opportunity could change your whole lifetime. How a simple acquaintance could change every single part of your life, your reality, and yourself.

            Before being invited by a friend to a Christian Church, my life was merely a rough quest for insatiable love and acceptance. Insecure for having an unchangeable flaw, unsatisfied for having an incomplete family, curious for things I shouldn't be curious about, and despaired from the countless rejections I had received. I've done crazy, stupid things I couldn't imagine now doing and I've basically turned into a person who's locked down in self-pity. And though that's the case, there was still this solitary faith in the depths of my soul, even before truly meeting Jesus Christ. I knew a person, a good version of me, deep inside awaiting to be revealed. I knew long before that I was made for a greater purpose. I knew there was hope for me.  I knew I can't stay forever in that dark world I locked myself into. So I've waited, and waited, until God finally came through.

I can't remember how it all started, but I just found myself miraculously in this church God has lead me to. I must confess that my mere intention for the first three months of going there was to see this person I really adored over the past few years. (It was a very special story, more like a miracle, of how I met this person; it convinces me that it was all God who made a way for me to know Him through him) In spite of the specialness of this encounter with him, our camaraderie has been awful and awkward. And to make the long story short, we haven't really became friends and absolutely not became more than that. But what I thought was the ending of my story, turned out to be the beginning of something bigger and better!

  With my fingers crossed, I just hoped for the best in the church God has placed me. And instead of leaving that church, because of my bitterness, God showed me that that's where I perfectly belonged! God has slowly drawn me closer to Himself in my weakness and brokenness from this Bridge He used to lead me to Christ. I found myself wanting to talk to Him more than ever, sharing my heartaches and butterflies all together. I was really messed up at that time, and out of my great desperation to move on from that guy, I learned to call on to God for help and healing, and He never failed me. God consistently pursued my heart and assured me that there's no one else who deserved my great love, except Him. He showed me the way to His heart that brought healing, happiness and peace on mine. It is true that He can really heal hearts, and  turn the bitter into sweet. And then, He planted the seed of salvation in my heart and I saw how beautifully He nurtured it to grow! Everything was falling into right places until I never knew I was gradually falling in love with Jesus Christ. Not long after, I saw Jesus winning my heart, taking the first place He rightly deserves and having to be my First love! That's when I realized that I had never felt so alive, satisfied and free in my life until I finally get to love God wholeheartedly!

And now, if you ask me how grateful I am to God?

There is no amount of words that could contain how much I regard God's presence in my life! I can never thank Him enough for all the things He's done for me. I can never even enumerate every single material blessings He's given me, but I absolutely thank God for my biological and spiritual family (Hosanna World Mission Church, Philippines: My home church) and especially my Jesus Risen Lord Alliance Fellowship Church family where I really grew spiritually matured, learned how to be a worshiper, and my other callings in life. Not to mention my awesome friends and colleagues who have been there for me all this time.

But above all, I am forever thankful to God that He loved me when I haven't really had the intention to love Him in the first place. He sought for me when I haven’t really sought after Him. He loved me on my weakness. He loved me over my insecurities and sins. He looked beyond all my present faults and past transgressions and gave me newness of life. He completely turned me into a better person I far off imagined I would be. I mean for sure I am absolutely not perfect, I still stumble so many times in my walk, but understanding God’s patience and faithfulness to me is more than enough to keep me going in this faith. And now, looking back, I neither imagine nor want my life in any other way than how it is like right now. For there is no amount of honor that could ever top the privilege of having been called a daughter of the Most High God, and to be a gift He delights in through what Christ has done for me (Ephesians 1:11). And those are the very reasons why I'm overwhelmingly grateful, that I came to understand this treasure of knowing God which is really far above anything in this world.

"And really, where would I be now without God here in my life? What if His grace did not find me on my weakness? What if He has chosen another daughter instead of me? What would've happened to me if He gave up on me when I'm all wrecked? How would my life look like if there's no presence of Him? How would I live my life if God never called me to Him? Would I still be this happy and satisfied? Would I love my life at all? What if none of the things I shared earlier ever happened?"

I want to share with you all the Bible verse that I live by, it is found in Isaiah 43:1-5. 

“But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” (Others died that you might live; I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me and honored, and I love you. TLB)

I am called by the Living God for Himself. He welcomed me in a relationship with which I'm in the center of His affection. He called me to intimacy which envelopes the deep desires of my heart. He said that I am PRECIOUS to Him, I am HONORED and I am so LOVED by Him that's why He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins. He exchanged His life for my sake! What kind of love is this! How can I not be moved by this grace? How can I ask for more?

Here in my life, I am extremely blessed by even having the opportunity to see God's goodness and glory, and to move His heart through my sweet surrender. I am a Beloved who is so captivated by the unfailing love of the Father. To have pleasure be written in my Savior's face is my existence's greatest purpose. All the glory is Yours forever! Glory to the Name of Jesus!

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How Blessed I Am

Insecure, jealous, lonely, burnt out, lost,  desperate, uncertain, inadequate, empty, left behind, in-denial, sinful,  ungrateful,   insatiable,  miserable,   hopeless 

             Three sweet years ago, I was the kind of person nobody would like. I used to live in the dark world of compromise and self-fulfillment. Compliment, favor, flattery and praise were all my self-worth. I was always the most attention-seeking, people-pleasing, acceptance-pursuing damsel behind somebody's shadow. I guess, I was the most bitter, ungrateful, hardest and unhappiest person at that time; not because of what I have and don't have and what I went through or not, but simply because I drowned myself in gigantic despair.

           Now, I am here facing my computer with an offensive smile, laughing at the thoughts of my past life. If I would have a mirror in front of me with a now-and-before reflection, I would have a painful bruise from a slap of my previous self's vexation because of the grin of embarrassment in the look of my face. Like a very sarcastic, "Girl, what have you put yourself through? What a waste of excessive bitterness over your own insecurities!" I would be outrageously mad, back then.

           Well, that's the story of my petty, messy, heavy-laden old self.

And now, looking back...

          O' how I love looking back at my past! It always brings me back to the place of gratefulness and humility; understanding how I need God in my life and how I don't want to go back in that same position, old version of me. "Remember that in those days you were living utterly apart from Christ; you were enemies of God's children, and He had promised you no help. YOU WERE LOST, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT HOPE." ~Ephesians 2:23

           Finding myself on that first time I fell at Jesus' feet, time and again, is such a very humbling and vital experience that any of us should never neglect. It's good to always come back to that epic day when our lives have drastically changed by His amazing grace, that way we will never miss out of the ever-changing freshness of this sweet revelation of God's goodness in our lives. And God has done enormously of the most precious things in my life that I will never forget!

     "Praise the Lord , my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." ~Psalm 103:1-5

            Acknowledging His unconditional love and tender mercies always blow my head off. Who am I? What am I? What did I do and not do? Why did He love me when I'm most unlovable? Why is He so kind and faithful and gracious and loving and, and ...?" These are some of my curious questions. And God answered me little by little.

"But God is so rich in mercy; HE LOVED US SO MUCH that even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead---only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved---and lifted us from the grave into glory along with Christ, where He sit with Him in the heavenly realms---all because of what Christ Jesus did." ~Ephesians 2:4

            It's NEVER because of who we are, but it's because of everything He is. It's NEVER because of what we have done, but it's because of what Christ had done. It's NEVER because we chose to follow Him, but it's because He first chose us even before the world ever existed.

"Long ago, even before He made the world, GOD CHOSE US TO BE HIS VERY OWN THROUGH WHAT CHRIST WOULD DO FOR US; He decided then to make us holy in His eyes, without a single fault---we who stand before Him covered with His love. HIS UNCHANGING PLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO ADOPT US INTO HIS OWN FAMILY BY SENDING JESUS CHRIST TO DIE FOR US. And He did this because He wanted to!" ~Ephesians 1:4-5

                "There is nothing more humbling than to know that God Himself CHOSE us, among everyone else to be His friends and His sons and daughters. Why are you the one that He saved? Why not that annoying person who holds up the line? Why not that nice person who helps the poor with more than you do? Why not your close friend who was always there for you? Why you? Why me? I don't know why. But there's only one thing that I know: If God's grace had never come through in my life, I would never be this happy, content and satisfied, I would never like my life in the first place. Never."

               I will never forget of the pit which God has risen me up from, the sea of desperation and needless yearnings He helped me disembark from, and the monster on my own frame He rescued me from, for out of this awareness comes the overflowing thanksgiving from my mouth! "For I can never forget these awful years; always my soul will live in utter shame. But there is one ray of HOPE: HIS COMPASSION NEVER ENDS. It is only the Lord's mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; HIS LOVING KINDNESS BEGINS AFRESH EACH DAY. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I WILL HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him, to those who seek for Him. It is good both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." ~Lamentations 3:2o-25

               Wow! God, this is so crazy! Truly, blessed are those who chose to follow Jesus, who received His salvation by faith, who humbled themselves constantly to the Lord, who sought His face and His kingdom first, whose trust is in the Lord alone, who learned to acclaim Him and who persisted on walking in the light of His presence! The Bible says that, ""King David spoke of this describing the HAPPINESS of an undeserving sinner who is declared "NOT GUILTY" by God. 'BLESSED and to be ENVIED,' he said, 'are those whose sins are forgiven and put out of sight. Yes, what a JOY  there is for anyone whose sins are no longer counted against him by the Lord.'" ~Romans 4:6-7

               After everything that I had become before and all that I had done wrong, God looked past all of that. Knowing that "because of what Christ has done, we have become GIFTS TO GOD THAT HE DELIGHTS IN, as part of God's sovereign plan we were chosen from the beginning to be His," (Ephesians 1:11) And I can never be more than grateful. I can safely say that I'm one of the living testimonies of God's ultimate power to transforming lives and to making everything new! Yes, I'm still on the on-going process of being what God has called me to be, but fully grasping and being rooted with my salvation and blessed hope are enough to get me there. This is not a make-believe kind of thing. This is not a mere interesting idea that I just made up on my mind, something so wonderful that it feels surreal. 

No, this is the TRUTH! And this is my testimony.

Philippians 3:12:

                 "I don't mean to say I am PERFECT. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be."                                                                                           

Too much for God?

People tend to believe that God doesn't expect too much from us. We live as though going the extra miles with Him is something inappropriately extravagant. We discounted our commitments to God because we thought, we're doing just fine. We blunt, "Surely, God would not be mad if you miss one Friday night out." And usually worse, we mistakably put our feet on God's shoes saying, "I don't think God is pleased when we do too much for Him. We can serve Him once or twice a week. Let's say Sundays. But to do it everyday, consuming all our time for church, is just too much!"

In Malachi 1, God is reminding us how to serve Him ideally. He harshly accuses us of not honoring Him and even despising His mighty  Name. And so we say, "Who? Us? When did we ever despise your name?" (v.6) I thought I was loving you just enough?

And God, who knows our deepest desires and the core of our being says, "Everytime you say, 'Don't bother bringing anything very valuable to offer to God!' 8 You tell the people, 'Lame animals are all right to offer on the altar of the Lord---yes, even the sick and the blind ones.'" (v.7-8)

Didn't we just serve Him all right and fair enough?

We've lost our revelation of Christ! Because if we really know His glory, His power, His omnipotence, we will not treat Him like a double-pay paycheck we get only every holidays! But no, we unconsciously viewed Him just as somebody special, together with the other special things and people we tagged in our lives. We degrade His value by prioritizing other aspects of our tiny world. We act as if we can downsize His nature by giving Him what we thought is enough for Him, leaving Him residues of our self-consumed, much pre-occupied life.o

What God desires from us are not our halfhearted commitment, lukewarm faith, not genuine surrender, discounted submission and self-centered devotion. He wants our everything: every beat of our hearts, every breath that we breathe, and every moment that we live!

So many times we rob from God what is due to Him. We rob Him of His tithes, His respect, and His sovereignty in our lives. Most of the time too, we serve leftovers to God! We give just a portion of our abundance, a spare time of our long weekdays and a scrap devotion after the things we put on top of Him; our job, education, relationships, ambitions, life goals to name some of it. But something is better than nothing, right?

We ought to know that this life is not ours! He is our Father and our Master! And as His loving servant, we can never take control, it must be Him! We, on the passenger seat or even at the backseat, can't direct the driver what to do. We ought to just let Him drive our lives and just rest.

The Story of Mary tells us much on how to really pleasingly worship our God.

"Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."~John 12:3

I love how Mary lavished her love for Christ. She poured her love to Jesus even when it costed her the most valuable thing she inherited. She gave it all away to Christ simply because she knows that Jesus is more worth than a bottle of an expensive perfume. He deserves our best, our everything. She gave up what the world thought was necessary and valuable, in exchange for what really matters; her soul.

"But the fact that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about ETERNITY, and nothing compares with that. God is not someone who can be tacked on to our lives." ~Francis Chan

But then there is always this Judas Iscariot in our lives who's gonna stop us from lavishing extravagantly for God, reminding us our desires to hold on to our riches, our finances, our acquisitions, our achievements and our valuables in this earthly life. (v.4-6)

I am really sick to my stomach whenever I hear people say to me, "Kim, you're doing too much and over what is necessary. Chill out and enjoy life." People who knows less, so to speak. They totally don't understand what they were talking about.

As much as it makes me sick, it also breaks my heart knowing that these people know nothing about truly being a follower of Christ. They settle with their okay devotions, not even concerning the thoughts of fully submitting to the Father. They assumed all their lives that they are Good Soils and that Heaven awaits for them because they live fairly, they give to the poor and they don't kill, cheat or hurt people. But God has been warning us that "not everybody who calls me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of God. Only those who do My will." And yes, we can do and put on our Christian-y costumes but leave our hearts far away from God.

I agree much with Francis Chan when he wrote:

"God is holy. In heaven exists a Being who decides whether or not I take another breath. This holy God deserves excellence, the very best I have."

I don't even think I serve God enough with my too much. I do not even consider myself giving back even an enough percentage of love to Him. Even my whole lifetime can't be enough to reimburse Him what He'd given me.

But I won't try any harder. I don't need to be His Child, for I already am! I just simply want to rest on this truth and lay my head on His arms"The solution is not to push yourself into behaving perfectly; the solution is to cultivate your love for God.", said Francis.

God said, if we are to worship Him without our lives totally surrendered to Him, it's better to not worship at all. It's senseless for us to give every sacrifices if our motivation is not backed up with the overflowing love we have for Him and if we don't value Him more than anything else. Our worship must not be backed up by our guilt to giving nothing, instead because beyond the extremities of our ability, we can't simply give enough to repay Him of all the amazing things He has done in our lives.

To "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." is not just a phrase to be memorized, instead it is a quote to live by.

I would be much willing to be called as someone so obsessed with God, crazy about Jesus or crazy about my church, than to be called someone-in-love-with-the-world. That's not the kind of label I desire God to witness me in His last days.

For I know, the only well-spent time, money, and love are when they are spent in return to God's love. You know you never wasted what you lavished for Him.

Do we not know?

How was your week? How was life going the past few days and months? Was it full of stress from work, procrastination from school, or madness at home and any other relationships you have?
Okay, let's take a break from that. Let's leave off our distresses from here. Now, let me ask you about this.

How's your WALK WITH GOD?

Have you read your Bible? (Joshua 1:8 "...meditate on it DAY and NIGHT,")
Have you regularly set aside time to just talk to Him and tell Him how you adore Him?
Uh-oh, did I just stress you a lot more? Don't worry, I've been in that page too. WE ARE SO CAUGHT UP ABOUT OURSELVES.

"On the average day, we live caught up in OURSELVES.On the average day, we don't consider GOD very much.On the average day, we forget that our life truly is a VAPOR." ~Francis Chan.

I have heard a lot of stories about people in their last breathe. Some are about to die confidently knowing where their destinations will be. But most of them have bitter endings. There was this one man who rejected and knew nothing about God all his life but asked for a priest in his lastest breathe. Like what difference does that make in his death?

For us who have Christ in our hearts and lives, salvation isn't  about obtaining an eternal life insurance; it is having a deep, love-rooted relationship with God. We found joy and surpassing peace in loving a God who loved us first even before our parents have planned us for their lives. (Philippians 4:19)

When you become saved and went to Heaven, imagine worshiping and praising God for eternity, yes I said eternity, without having a full knowledge of Him and having Him in our hearts? It can be a burden to bear for forever! But we found joy in loving Him because God is Love (1 John 4:8), we found joy in trusting Him because He is our Shepherd, we shall not want (Psalm 23:1)and we found joy in placing our lives to Him because He is Life (John 14:6).

I cannot blame those who chose to live for themselves for I've been there before. Yes, it is so easy to go after the flow of this world and who would like to deny himself and take up his own cross (Matthew 16:24) and to walk the narrow road (Matthew 7:14)?

But when Jesus found me and demonstrated His extravagant love for me, I did not choose to live there anymore. I found that life is fleeting and if you don't opt for the things that matter most in life, you'll find it meaningless at the end of the line.

"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ." ~Philippians 3:8

Do we not know that OUR LIVES ARE NOT REALLY OURS?

Well, if you don't believe that, are you the one who allowed your life to come to existence?

"No, it was my parents."

Have you heard of abortions and miscarriages? Now, who have willed to give you a safe delivery at your birth?

It was only God Himself! The One who knows everything about your life with which even your purpose, worth and point of existing were totally dependent and definable to Him. And it is also Him whom you used to reject, take for granted, and deny.

We've gotten so busy with our lives, trying to function and trying to please ourselves, but missed the sole point of it. "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."~Philippians 1:21

Nothing in this world would make an eternal difference than to set God in our hearts first and love others as we love ourselves, to do what He asked you and to be the person He created you for.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes."~James 4:14

Did we just EXIST and not LIVE? And did we just LIVE to DIE or LIVE to LIVE?

Crazy Love 021513

Tonight, we've had our first session of Francis Chan's Series "Crazy Love" altogher with my church youth. It has been such a crazy night for us. Worship was led by our awesome friends from Crossroads, with a fresh touch of approach in the expectancy of upcoming breakthrough among us.

I just wanna PRAISE the Lord God Almighty for placing me in the midst of these several hungry young people, from middle school to college, who are all seeking the pursuit of God in a real greater level. I've grown a lot in this church, Jesus Risen Lord Alliance Fellowship.

CRAZY LOVE Chapter 1:

What I'm gonna be going through right now is the Word that God moved in my being last night. We talked about how Big and how outstanding the Creator of the whole wide universe is. Francis Chan went over how the universe is so immense and how we can't even see the earth if we zoom out the view from galaxy to galaxy. Also he talked about how intricate the species are made here on earth. From a tiny caterpillar with 228 muscles, and human beings ourselves with the tiniest cells which made up our body.

Our discussion went so well but Shayne, our youth leader, closed the conversation and just let us all worship God in so much awestruck for Who He really is.

By that time, flashes of pictures revolved in my mind as I try to simply grasp and taste His Nature, who He really is and what He is like. All I did in worship was to cry in full adoration to that Amazing Creator we are talking about.

Then it brought me back to those first days I fell in love with Jesus!

I remembered how my first song composition goes. It was entitled "Perfect", and it was talking about how PERFECT the Father is, His earth which He made perfectly and His people that He's gonna make perfect too. That song really emphasized my love for the NATURE. For whenever I look up to the sky, I always felt the awesomeness of the One who created it. At day, you know how perfect it is to see a clear blue sky with the mighty sun that outshines darkness, "peaceful" clouds and birds flying across your sight. And at night, the most amazing part are the splendid stars glittering the view. Not to mention the marvelous shooting stars that flashes and excites all the people who can see it! Woah! What a perfect world which nobody, with human cognition could never imagine in the first place!

The most amazing REVELATION about it is that that same God who created everything, made you with so much LOVE from the intricate minute fibers of your being and to the earth where life sprung forth and to the trillions and trillions of galaxies that He so wonderfully and mindfully created! Looking around you and even to yourself, altogether with the complexity of Science, you can see God! A great powerful God who just spoke words and everything came to life!

My song also talks about this. "If You can make a marvelous world, what more to my life that You've given worth." We should remind ourselves that just before we were born, we were already conceived in His mind excitedly and fondly. Constructing every details of our being in uniqueness and in our own significance to the environment were gonna be living in. Not just that, He thoughtfully did that with all-knowing basis to all of who we are.

I began to totally knew by then that just when God had made perfect creations in earth, He surely as well will make a perfect creation out of me and in my life in the future. Knowing that, Philippians 1:6 says, "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ."

Then God gave me a vision from what I also read from a long time ago. Imagine God in front of a long table as if He is an Inventor. There, you see yourself like let's say a five inch tall you. Would it be so amazing what a big smile the Father/Inventor can be shown in His face if He sees His creation KNOWS Him, SEEKS Him, ADORES Him, WORSHIPS Him and LOVES Him back?

And a much bigger REVELATION that came to me is that AFTER ALL the devastation that we do, in simple ways, with our nature, how we unconsciously destroy His creation and even in our lives at the peak of our desperation where we find self-pity, insecurity, failure, weakness and suicide our last resorts, that same God still look at us with so much LOVE and MERCY in that CROSS! He still love us DESPITE of the list of our unworthiness!

This love is unfathomable and so unbelievable! Perhaps that's the reason why some people still don't open their hearts for God. Even I had a lot of questions and when He answers those, we find it so deep and something that our mind can't understand. Then, can we lean not on our understanding and just accept what He says He is? Some of my questions, which I assume you also asks are: Why would He need to create us? Why do we have life? Why do He loves us so much that He let His only Son, Jesus, die on a Cross to bear our sins? What kind of Father could ever do that to His Son?

Well, my answer to that last question is that HE IS ALSO OUR FATHER. Remember the Story of the Lost sheep in Matthew 18:12? God is like that to all of us, a Father who would sacrifice everything just to have His children all back, to a much extent that He's only Begotten Son, whom He most loved and who alone PERFECTLY attained what He wills for a man, die for a greater gain-the Harvest of Souls! 

Even in the Old Testament answers this question, "Others died that you might live; I traded their lives for yours because YOU ARE PRECIOUS TO ME and HONORED, and I LOVE YOU." (Isaiah 43:3)

And that just makes me fell off my knee.

I know I got a little off topic but I was just so struck about this TRUTH, that the Father of all the Nations, the Creator of the whole wide universe and all that He is is the same God, the Lover of my soul!

I hope God will also REVEAL Himself to you all! Taste and see that the Lord is good and He is God! Absorb, claim and understand this CRAZY LOVE and let me know if it hit a part of your heart. Open it and welcome Him and let me also know how it changed your life here and after. God bless!

God Girl

I am a God Girl who is in love with the Father. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SiNxDBFIpw

I wonder

Have you ever been in the same boat with me where you feel really really bad when your superior  tries to remind you the same stuffs over and over again, just because s/he doesn't see you do it,
even when you know yourself that you have been following her all along?

Here's a common illustration.

Let's say our mom was about to go to work and asked us to clean our home. All throughout the day, you have washed the dishes, done the laundries and fixed everything up. But right before your mom arrives home, your siblings came from somewhere and start to "ruin" everything. Then your mom witnessed a messy room and scolded you. That would be so messed up, right?
Now here's my second question.

What do we think God would feel if we keep on doubting that He is real and does exist? A lot of things remind us that He is here and He really is God but we kept on withholding to affirm this fact to ourselves.

"If only I can see God, I would believe."