Here in my Life

"How do I know God is real? 

I am not the same old person I was before. 

Only a powerful Being could ever do such change in a person's life. Only the Creator can transform the human being He very created."

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            My life was totally different three years ago. It's very fascinating how a single opportunity could change your whole lifetime. How a simple acquaintance could change every single part of your life, your reality, and yourself.

            Before being invited by a friend to a Christian Church, my life was merely a rough quest for insatiable love and acceptance. Insecure for having an unchangeable flaw, unsatisfied for having an incomplete family, curious for things I shouldn't be curious about, and despaired from the countless rejections I had received. I've done crazy, stupid things I couldn't imagine now doing and I've basically turned into a person who's locked down in self-pity. And though that's the case, there was still this solitary faith in the depths of my soul, even before truly meeting Jesus Christ. I knew a person, a good version of me, deep inside awaiting to be revealed. I knew long before that I was made for a greater purpose. I knew there was hope for me.  I knew I can't stay forever in that dark world I locked myself into. So I've waited, and waited, until God finally came through.

I can't remember how it all started, but I just found myself miraculously in this church God has lead me to. I must confess that my mere intention for the first three months of going there was to see this person I really adored over the past few years. (It was a very special story, more like a miracle, of how I met this person; it convinces me that it was all God who made a way for me to know Him through him) In spite of the specialness of this encounter with him, our camaraderie has been awful and awkward. And to make the long story short, we haven't really became friends and absolutely not became more than that. But what I thought was the ending of my story, turned out to be the beginning of something bigger and better!

  With my fingers crossed, I just hoped for the best in the church God has placed me. And instead of leaving that church, because of my bitterness, God showed me that that's where I perfectly belonged! God has slowly drawn me closer to Himself in my weakness and brokenness from this Bridge He used to lead me to Christ. I found myself wanting to talk to Him more than ever, sharing my heartaches and butterflies all together. I was really messed up at that time, and out of my great desperation to move on from that guy, I learned to call on to God for help and healing, and He never failed me. God consistently pursued my heart and assured me that there's no one else who deserved my great love, except Him. He showed me the way to His heart that brought healing, happiness and peace on mine. It is true that He can really heal hearts, and  turn the bitter into sweet. And then, He planted the seed of salvation in my heart and I saw how beautifully He nurtured it to grow! Everything was falling into right places until I never knew I was gradually falling in love with Jesus Christ. Not long after, I saw Jesus winning my heart, taking the first place He rightly deserves and having to be my First love! That's when I realized that I had never felt so alive, satisfied and free in my life until I finally get to love God wholeheartedly!

And now, if you ask me how grateful I am to God?

There is no amount of words that could contain how much I regard God's presence in my life! I can never thank Him enough for all the things He's done for me. I can never even enumerate every single material blessings He's given me, but I absolutely thank God for my biological and spiritual family (Hosanna World Mission Church, Philippines: My home church) and especially my Jesus Risen Lord Alliance Fellowship Church family where I really grew spiritually matured, learned how to be a worshiper, and my other callings in life. Not to mention my awesome friends and colleagues who have been there for me all this time.

But above all, I am forever thankful to God that He loved me when I haven't really had the intention to love Him in the first place. He sought for me when I haven’t really sought after Him. He loved me on my weakness. He loved me over my insecurities and sins. He looked beyond all my present faults and past transgressions and gave me newness of life. He completely turned me into a better person I far off imagined I would be. I mean for sure I am absolutely not perfect, I still stumble so many times in my walk, but understanding God’s patience and faithfulness to me is more than enough to keep me going in this faith. And now, looking back, I neither imagine nor want my life in any other way than how it is like right now. For there is no amount of honor that could ever top the privilege of having been called a daughter of the Most High God, and to be a gift He delights in through what Christ has done for me (Ephesians 1:11). And those are the very reasons why I'm overwhelmingly grateful, that I came to understand this treasure of knowing God which is really far above anything in this world.

"And really, where would I be now without God here in my life? What if His grace did not find me on my weakness? What if He has chosen another daughter instead of me? What would've happened to me if He gave up on me when I'm all wrecked? How would my life look like if there's no presence of Him? How would I live my life if God never called me to Him? Would I still be this happy and satisfied? Would I love my life at all? What if none of the things I shared earlier ever happened?"

I want to share with you all the Bible verse that I live by, it is found in Isaiah 43:1-5. 

“But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” (Others died that you might live; I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me and honored, and I love you. TLB)

I am called by the Living God for Himself. He welcomed me in a relationship with which I'm in the center of His affection. He called me to intimacy which envelopes the deep desires of my heart. He said that I am PRECIOUS to Him, I am HONORED and I am so LOVED by Him that's why He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins. He exchanged His life for my sake! What kind of love is this! How can I not be moved by this grace? How can I ask for more?

Here in my life, I am extremely blessed by even having the opportunity to see God's goodness and glory, and to move His heart through my sweet surrender. I am a Beloved who is so captivated by the unfailing love of the Father. To have pleasure be written in my Savior's face is my existence's greatest purpose. All the glory is Yours forever! Glory to the Name of Jesus!

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Those Who Love the Lord

Have you ever felt like loving God is just in vain?

 Have you ever felt like living for Him just don't make sense at all?

Loving God? What's the point? Life is nothing but a dilemma; mountains over mountains! Why does living for God have to be in a narrow road? Why does it take tons of crosses to bear? Why does it have to be so hard?

As I grow in my relationship with God, I am learning how to set my heart completely to God; I established a desire to fall constantly in love with Jesus. In order to get a glimpse of this constant sweet surrender, I wanted to know how it looks like by closely perceiving the life of a man who loved God ideally: King David, the man after God's own heart. (Acts 13:22)

Reading through Psalms is fun! I have been meditating on these passages lately. Here I see a man who is deeply in love with God and who has an unbelievable intimacy with Him. This intimacy gave David the boldness and confidence to communicate to God in the most honest, most vulnerable and most straightforward way. In the course of more than hundred chapters of Psalms, many times have I seen David desperately questioned God about His faithfulness and assertively commanded Him what to do in his struggles. "Please, Lord rescue me! Quick! Come and help me!" (Psalm 40:13) Not to mention the awkward, consistent self-contradictions that David has to face chapter by chapter. One example is these two consecutive chapters in Psalm 21 and 22. David started praising God, "How the king rejoices in your strength, O Lord! How he exults in your salvation. For You have given him his heart's desire, everything he asks You for." (Psalm 21:1). But as soon as the next chapter started, he ironically complained to God, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why do You refuse to help me or even to listen to my groans." (Psalm 22:1) Didn't he just literally negate his preceding statement? However, we don't know the span of time between those two chapters.

Although we are God's own people - chosen ones - we are not immuned to the perplexity of life. We can count on the overwhelming struggles, abounding trials, escalating distractions and sprouting choices we have to face everyday. So, we can not deny the fact that we can be like David at times; as quickly as a lighted candle melts, our trust, hope and focus dissipate in the cascade of overflowing testings. It is natural to react that way especially when our fear begins to creep in, our sight begins to look at the waves, our cognition begins to not understand. Why do we have to go through all of this? Where is God who promised to be there with us? Why are we, people who only want to obey and love God, overwhelmed, beaten and overcome?

Sometimes, everything just comes down to no sense at all. In spite of the fact that we all just want to love, obey and follow God, we reach to a point where we think that these desires are futile and in vain due to the extremety of our adversities. One time, David bursted out his cries to God in full desperation. "And yet for a time, O Lord, You have tossed us aside in dishonor and have not helped us in our battles. And all this happened, Lord, despite our loyalty to You. We have not violated Your 
covenant. Our hearts have not deserted You! We have not left Your path by a single step. If we had, we could understand You punishing us in the barren wilderness and sending us into darkness and death. If we had turned away from worshiping our God and were worshiping idols, would God know it? Yes, He knows the secrets of every heart, But that is not our case. For we are facing death threats constantly because of serving You. We are like sheeps awaiting slaughter." (Psalm 44: 9, 17-22)

For some reasons, we are so caught up by our troubles and God's promises are so hard to believe. Like David, we are being chased by countless enemies like physical and spiritual sickness, indebtedness, and bewilderment. All these things happened despite our loyalty to God. However, however, God's Word remains as true as who He is. And David continued to speak his way into the truth! He still believed even when it's hard to believe. He held on to God because he knows that apart from God, there is really no hope left. This verses also encourage me.

"None of those who have faith in God will ever be disgraced for trusting Him. Oh, let it be never be said that I trusted You in vain." ~Psalm 25:3, 19

David still believe that it will all make sense! The beauty in all these testings is that God Himself brought us to every storm in life; however, He also equiped and clothed us with this unquenchable, devouring and consuming faith, hope and trust in our hearts that can never be extinguished by any catastrophy. God later on showed His heart and spoke, "No, I don't need your sacrifices of flesh and blood. What I want from you is your true thanks; I want your promises fulfilled. I want you to trust me in your times of trouble, so I can rescue you and you can give me glory. But true praise is a worthy sacrifice; this really honors me. Those who walk  my paths will receive salvation from the Lord." -Psalm 50:13-15, 23

"The heart of God loves a persevering worshiper who, though overwhelmed by many troubles, is even more overwhelmed with the beauty of God." ~Matt Redman

On our knees we came to realize that God Himself never changes even when all things are. We then learn that in these tunnels of testings, being obedient in waiting and perseverant in patience are the keys to fully embrace God's glory; His Presence. His presence in the moments on hardship is the silverlining reward, exceeding peace and sufficient answer!

And to those who love the Lord, God promises us beautiful things.

• "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

• "You have endowed him with eternal happiness. You have given him the unquenchable joy of Your Presence. And because the King trusts in the Lord, he will never stumble, never fall; for he depends upon the steadfast love of God who is above all gods." ~Psalm 21:6-7

• "But the eyes of the Lord are watching over those who fear Him, who rely upon His steady love. He will keep them from death even in times of famine!" ~Psalm 33:19

• "If you belong to the Lord, reverence Him; for everyone who does this has everything he needs. Even the strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those of us who reverence the Lord will never lack any good thing." ~Psalm 34:9-10

• "Day by day the Lord observes the good deeds done by godly men, and gives them eternal rewards. He cares for them when are hard; even in times of famine, they will have enough." ~Psalm 37:18-19

• "I have been young and now I am old. And in all my years I have never seen the Lord forsakes a man who loves Him; nor have I seen the children of the godly go hungry." ~Psalm 37:25

• "No mere man has ever seen, heard, or even imagined what wonderful things God has ready for those who love the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 2:9

I am not done yet reading through Psalm but God has been encouraging my heart so much knowing that He honors all I do for Him and all the love I have for Him. So even when things are not well, even when it gets harder, I am still willing to say,

"Jesus, throw everything you want to throw at me! Big or small, I welcome it. Break me, wreck me, tear me apart all You want. But one thing will remain certain in my soul; I love You, no matter what!"


I am able and willing to stay true and faithful because He remains true and faithful to me regardless of my feelings and perception towards Him. He is that good! In addition, I know everything is gonna come with a price, it is not going to be in vain. For the Word says,

"Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Keep traveling steadily along His pathway and in due season he will honor you with every blessing, and you will see the wicked destroyed. But the good man - the blameless, the upright, the man of peace - he has a wonderful future ahead of him. For him there is a happy ending." ~Psalm 37:37

It is all going to be worth it in the end. God will finish what He started in us. He is faithful and just.  He is honoring our hearts and in His kindness, He leaves us with this promise in light of our unquenchable love to Him that stays true in the midst of everything.

"For the Lord says, 'Because he loves Me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my Name. When he calls on Me, I will answer; I will be with him in trouble and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation." ~Psalm 91:14-15

What Breaks Your Heart?

What was the greatest thing that Jesus Christ had ever done in your life? What have He saved you from? 

Of course I know from SIN basically but I believe there was this inevitable God-shaped void in every man's heart that He got filled when we first met Jesus. It can be from depression, insecurity, heartache, inferiority, fear, doubt, shame, anxiety, lawlessness, homosexuality, discouragement, lust, greed, etc

Well to me, God perfectly came through my life in the midst of self-alienation; shove off all the lies about myself being never good enough,  took away the sense of insecurity about what others say about me, discarded my insatiable yearning for approval and belongingness, junked away all the sins that I thought I can never get away, and repaired a completely wrecked heart.

That was how God made me whole, reassembled my torn heart with the very bits of debris left.

So now, WHAT BREAKS YOUR HEART?

At this very moment, I regularly check the stuffs which trigger my lacrimal gland to function. What are the things that concern me the most? What are the things that take most of my time up? What are the things that I put my heart into? What do my thoughts and speech denote a lot? Are these Kingdom-related (as it should be) or flesh-related? Are they even of God or of my selfishness?

As the technology advances, the modern world is all the more becoming  illusive, unreasonable and senseless. Not only the world itself, most that is within it as well. Video games, social networking sites, television, gadgets, sports, celebrities, fictional 'things', and many other things. Oh, not to mention our concerns about numbers; size, weight, age and even likes on Facebook! (I'm not excluding myself from these things. I'm also guilty. But God's grace! Ah!)

Recently, our youth group had finished through the whole book, "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. I remember one discussion night when we talked about the "Profiles of a Lukewarm". You tell about one of the most convicting nights we ever had, having a clear view of where we're at in our walks with God.

"We become lukewarm when we start to diffuse our focus on one of these three important personas; God, people and ourselves. We can focus on loving God but forget loving on people, vice versa. We can start to pray for ourselves (which is very vital on our walks) but neglect the people we need to pray about. And lastly, we can completely value ourselves and others better but take God out of the picture. Figuratively, Hate is not the antonym of Love, it is falling OUT of Love. When we fall out of love from one of those significant parts of the puzzle, it proposes a missing link that would most assuredly keep us at a distance to being the followers God wants us to be. We can not love God and hate on other people. We can not love others and bear grudges about and in yourself.  We can not love ourselves and deny our need of tender dependence to God's love. Wherever the balance is missing, there the lukewarmness is."

And there's NO other person rather than Jesus who knows our situations better. He knows our hearts. He knows our thoughts. He knows us very well. Nothing is hidden from Him. In MATTHEW 15:17-20, He excellently demonstrated His full wisdom regarding our very nature and composition, how He intricately knows us as we are even subjectively.

                  “Don’t you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.  These are what defile a person; but eating with unwashed hands does not defile them.”

Jesus stated clearly that righteousness was never concluded by our action and show, instead it was elucidated by the very depths of our innermost motives. And in the most untimely situations, our human tendencies always lead us to bringing our focal points to ourselves. No matter how much we want to see Jesus be reflected in our lives, our sins, our flesh and it's desires are like mirrors surrounding us on every sides, bouncing rays of lights back to our eyes. Well, it's really a danger and a bit of discouragement. That is why there's no other way to look at but UP. Look up!

We see hope as we look up, we see deliverance coming through if we set our eyes to Jesus, seeking after His light and expectantly waiting for His rescue. If we open ourselves to vulnerability and humility, we can see Christ reaching out our every cries for grace. We can see the Holy Spirit coming down from heaven, anointing our very hearts through conviction and genuine repentance. And we see this in the later part of that chapter about the faith of the Canaanite  woman whose heart was breaking because of her demon-possessed daughter. (Matthew 15:21-28)

Unfortunately, it's so easy for us to look at ourselves and to the waves. It's so easy for us to give in to our selfishness  and forget what we're called for. We look at ourselves and still overemphasize our imperfections, neglecting the fact that God had made us perfect in His sight (Ephesians 1:4). We gave the world the power to make and break us by letting it define us, conforming to it's filthy desires, and making it our heaven. We submit our hearts easily to it's own course and leave us bearing endless, burdensome longing and discontent, trying to fill in our hearts with a loophole that only God can suffice.

Sometimes, we think of ourselves as the most miserable, most hopeless people in the world. Our troubles are as shallow as our ungratefulness to the abundance that had been made available to us. Our only concern doesn't go beyond ourselves, it's always about us; how ugly we are (when in fact, there are countless physically disabled and mentally challenged people who are just thankful they're alive), how fat we are (when in fact, most of the countries in the entire world are dying because of starvation, poverty and hoarding), how uncool we are for not having those cool earthly stuffs (when in fact, only a few out of hundreds are able to go to college because they got no chance to even taste a decent meal for a day), how broke we are for not being able to buy what we want (when in fact, many people can't even afford  their daily needs), how lonely we are because no one seems to like us and pursue us (when in fact, there are numerous homeless, orphans, widows that we see outside of our backyard).

We exhaust ourselves to these petty demands that we are not actually scarce of! "We are loaded with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for a small loaf." As Francis Chan would describe.  Instead of channeling these desires away from ourselves, we continue on rolling our eyes as if we don't see a need in front of us. And ironically, those of us who have plenty are the stingiest givers!

Well again, I'm not excluding myself from this convictions. I, too, am so guilty of this. And I can't imagine how I can care less for these people, not to mention those who are on my reach, and continue on living in this weakling, defeated, discontent Spirit. In a miserable state of mind as if God is deaf to not hear our desires and weak to not mend our hearts. This is not I'm called for, neither you are. 

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to LAY OUR LIVES FOR OUR BROTHERS.  If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on Him, HOW CAN THE LOVE OF GOD BE IN HIM?  Dear children, LET US NOT LOVE WITH WORDS OR TONGUE BUT WITH ACTIONS AND IN TRUTH. This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence," ~1 John 3:16-19

We ought to get our ungrateful, trivial selves off our own pedestal and start to live the way that pleases God. We ought to stop appealing complete satisfaction outside from Christ. We ought to purify our hearts from it's superficiality and really let God preserve it away from our own care because 'the human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?" (Jeremiah 17:9)

There's only ONE who knows how bad it is. "If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything." (1 John 3:20)

God is greater than our hearts, we can be sure that He can heal our fleshly natures if only we believe He will do so and trust that He will not fail in the process. He knows our every motives and that is what He's looking at (1 Samuel 16:7). Not that God wants us to suffer by heartbreaking, but instead what breaks our hearts must be what breaks His: Famine, war, human exploitation, injustice, death, addiction, crime, scarcity of love, unrepentance, lost souls to name some of the many. At least care about these things, we will all the more becoming like Christ, all the more being a delight to God, all the more living as children He saved for. He already did the salvation for our part, we don't need to save ourselves again and again, but through us salvation will come to others homes. 

           "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done. At every point you have proved yourselves to be innocent in this matter." ~2 Corinthians 7:10-11 

Instead of self-pity, Godly sorrow is important to stir up passion for other people that leads to submitting to the Greatest Commandments. Out of God's outpouring love, we respond in loving Him and loving others as we love ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). It will make a lot more difference if we treat each and every people and encounters as Jesus Christ. How would we care for them if look at them as if they were God.

“I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me. The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, WHATEVER YOU DID FOR ONE OF THE LEAST OF THESE BROTHERS OF MINE, YOU DID FOR ME” (Matthew 25:42-43;45)

How Blessed I Am

Insecure, jealous, lonely, burnt out, lost,  desperate, uncertain, inadequate, empty, left behind, in-denial, sinful,  ungrateful,   insatiable,  miserable,   hopeless 

             Three sweet years ago, I was the kind of person nobody would like. I used to live in the dark world of compromise and self-fulfillment. Compliment, favor, flattery and praise were all my self-worth. I was always the most attention-seeking, people-pleasing, acceptance-pursuing damsel behind somebody's shadow. I guess, I was the most bitter, ungrateful, hardest and unhappiest person at that time; not because of what I have and don't have and what I went through or not, but simply because I drowned myself in gigantic despair.

           Now, I am here facing my computer with an offensive smile, laughing at the thoughts of my past life. If I would have a mirror in front of me with a now-and-before reflection, I would have a painful bruise from a slap of my previous self's vexation because of the grin of embarrassment in the look of my face. Like a very sarcastic, "Girl, what have you put yourself through? What a waste of excessive bitterness over your own insecurities!" I would be outrageously mad, back then.

           Well, that's the story of my petty, messy, heavy-laden old self.

And now, looking back...

          O' how I love looking back at my past! It always brings me back to the place of gratefulness and humility; understanding how I need God in my life and how I don't want to go back in that same position, old version of me. "Remember that in those days you were living utterly apart from Christ; you were enemies of God's children, and He had promised you no help. YOU WERE LOST, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT HOPE." ~Ephesians 2:23

           Finding myself on that first time I fell at Jesus' feet, time and again, is such a very humbling and vital experience that any of us should never neglect. It's good to always come back to that epic day when our lives have drastically changed by His amazing grace, that way we will never miss out of the ever-changing freshness of this sweet revelation of God's goodness in our lives. And God has done enormously of the most precious things in my life that I will never forget!

     "Praise the Lord , my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." ~Psalm 103:1-5

            Acknowledging His unconditional love and tender mercies always blow my head off. Who am I? What am I? What did I do and not do? Why did He love me when I'm most unlovable? Why is He so kind and faithful and gracious and loving and, and ...?" These are some of my curious questions. And God answered me little by little.

"But God is so rich in mercy; HE LOVED US SO MUCH that even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead---only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved---and lifted us from the grave into glory along with Christ, where He sit with Him in the heavenly realms---all because of what Christ Jesus did." ~Ephesians 2:4

            It's NEVER because of who we are, but it's because of everything He is. It's NEVER because of what we have done, but it's because of what Christ had done. It's NEVER because we chose to follow Him, but it's because He first chose us even before the world ever existed.

"Long ago, even before He made the world, GOD CHOSE US TO BE HIS VERY OWN THROUGH WHAT CHRIST WOULD DO FOR US; He decided then to make us holy in His eyes, without a single fault---we who stand before Him covered with His love. HIS UNCHANGING PLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO ADOPT US INTO HIS OWN FAMILY BY SENDING JESUS CHRIST TO DIE FOR US. And He did this because He wanted to!" ~Ephesians 1:4-5

                "There is nothing more humbling than to know that God Himself CHOSE us, among everyone else to be His friends and His sons and daughters. Why are you the one that He saved? Why not that annoying person who holds up the line? Why not that nice person who helps the poor with more than you do? Why not your close friend who was always there for you? Why you? Why me? I don't know why. But there's only one thing that I know: If God's grace had never come through in my life, I would never be this happy, content and satisfied, I would never like my life in the first place. Never."

               I will never forget of the pit which God has risen me up from, the sea of desperation and needless yearnings He helped me disembark from, and the monster on my own frame He rescued me from, for out of this awareness comes the overflowing thanksgiving from my mouth! "For I can never forget these awful years; always my soul will live in utter shame. But there is one ray of HOPE: HIS COMPASSION NEVER ENDS. It is only the Lord's mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; HIS LOVING KINDNESS BEGINS AFRESH EACH DAY. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I WILL HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him, to those who seek for Him. It is good both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." ~Lamentations 3:2o-25

               Wow! God, this is so crazy! Truly, blessed are those who chose to follow Jesus, who received His salvation by faith, who humbled themselves constantly to the Lord, who sought His face and His kingdom first, whose trust is in the Lord alone, who learned to acclaim Him and who persisted on walking in the light of His presence! The Bible says that, ""King David spoke of this describing the HAPPINESS of an undeserving sinner who is declared "NOT GUILTY" by God. 'BLESSED and to be ENVIED,' he said, 'are those whose sins are forgiven and put out of sight. Yes, what a JOY  there is for anyone whose sins are no longer counted against him by the Lord.'" ~Romans 4:6-7

               After everything that I had become before and all that I had done wrong, God looked past all of that. Knowing that "because of what Christ has done, we have become GIFTS TO GOD THAT HE DELIGHTS IN, as part of God's sovereign plan we were chosen from the beginning to be His," (Ephesians 1:11) And I can never be more than grateful. I can safely say that I'm one of the living testimonies of God's ultimate power to transforming lives and to making everything new! Yes, I'm still on the on-going process of being what God has called me to be, but fully grasping and being rooted with my salvation and blessed hope are enough to get me there. This is not a make-believe kind of thing. This is not a mere interesting idea that I just made up on my mind, something so wonderful that it feels surreal. 

No, this is the TRUTH! And this is my testimony.

Philippians 3:12:

                 "I don't mean to say I am PERFECT. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be."                                                                                           

Running In Circles

"I'm so forgetful but You always remind me

You're the only One who brings me peace

You're the only One who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come

I come, I come

To tell you I love You

To tell you I need You

To tell You there's no better place for me than in Your arms

To tell You I'm sorry for running in circles

For placing my focus on the waves and not Your face

You're the only one who brings me peace

You're the only one who brings me peace"

    Lately, I've been just so busy with my life, my distractions, my battles. I found a great danger in own walk with God when I feel like I get petty revelations from Him. I feel so caught up with myself, my own ways, that I became too complacent and too insensitive of His presence. But to make it clear, God has been pressing in some new revelations  within me to rekindle my faith; I was just so busy to put it up on words. My heart and mind were just all over the place, running in circles.

              Praise be to God that even when I'm too dumb to take Him for granted, He never fails. So I've been meditating on this verse that God has given me this week. It's so powerful and alive!

               "Even when we are too WEAK to have any faith left, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are PART OF HIMSELF, and He will always carry out His promises to us." ~2Timothy 2:13

      It's so overwhelming to know that even when our loyalty to God fails, HE STILL REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US. Our feelings CANNOT change His faithfulness; HE NEVER CHANGES. Even when we choose not to trust Him because it feels like it doesn't make sense, it only takes a blind man to see the invisible. But then again, it doesn't change His character towards us. So loving and kind, slow to anger and rich in love! 

                I can't still understand how God does this; how His mercies are new every morning, how He is so patient with us ungrateful, proud mere creatures, how He Himself, the Creator, reminds us of His unfailing love and unwavering faith that we'll see the way He sees and how He lets us savor and experience His grace again  and again, with new perspective and encounter.

                In the midst of the hurricane in my heart and knot-tied chaos on my head, He is the peace in the middle of the storm. He is the arm that catches me at the edge. His wing covers me, and declared me perfect instead on His eyes of mercy. He lets me come boldly to His throne with unveiled eyes and with unashamed soul. He came through to my every despair, He had always come through to carry out His promises for me!

                I love How He sweep me off my feet like this! My Spirit leaps for joy to know that I have a Father like this----the only perfect Father who loves me perfectly, all of me, despite me! A constant Lover and Forgiver, who's mercy and grace never run out of me. 

Too much for God?

People tend to believe that God doesn't expect too much from us. We live as though going the extra miles with Him is something inappropriately extravagant. We discounted our commitments to God because we thought, we're doing just fine. We blunt, "Surely, God would not be mad if you miss one Friday night out." And usually worse, we mistakably put our feet on God's shoes saying, "I don't think God is pleased when we do too much for Him. We can serve Him once or twice a week. Let's say Sundays. But to do it everyday, consuming all our time for church, is just too much!"

In Malachi 1, God is reminding us how to serve Him ideally. He harshly accuses us of not honoring Him and even despising His mighty  Name. And so we say, "Who? Us? When did we ever despise your name?" (v.6) I thought I was loving you just enough?

And God, who knows our deepest desires and the core of our being says, "Everytime you say, 'Don't bother bringing anything very valuable to offer to God!' 8 You tell the people, 'Lame animals are all right to offer on the altar of the Lord---yes, even the sick and the blind ones.'" (v.7-8)

Didn't we just serve Him all right and fair enough?

We've lost our revelation of Christ! Because if we really know His glory, His power, His omnipotence, we will not treat Him like a double-pay paycheck we get only every holidays! But no, we unconsciously viewed Him just as somebody special, together with the other special things and people we tagged in our lives. We degrade His value by prioritizing other aspects of our tiny world. We act as if we can downsize His nature by giving Him what we thought is enough for Him, leaving Him residues of our self-consumed, much pre-occupied life.o

What God desires from us are not our halfhearted commitment, lukewarm faith, not genuine surrender, discounted submission and self-centered devotion. He wants our everything: every beat of our hearts, every breath that we breathe, and every moment that we live!

So many times we rob from God what is due to Him. We rob Him of His tithes, His respect, and His sovereignty in our lives. Most of the time too, we serve leftovers to God! We give just a portion of our abundance, a spare time of our long weekdays and a scrap devotion after the things we put on top of Him; our job, education, relationships, ambitions, life goals to name some of it. But something is better than nothing, right?

We ought to know that this life is not ours! He is our Father and our Master! And as His loving servant, we can never take control, it must be Him! We, on the passenger seat or even at the backseat, can't direct the driver what to do. We ought to just let Him drive our lives and just rest.

The Story of Mary tells us much on how to really pleasingly worship our God.

"Then Mary took about a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume; she poured it on Jesus' feet and wiped his feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume."~John 12:3

I love how Mary lavished her love for Christ. She poured her love to Jesus even when it costed her the most valuable thing she inherited. She gave it all away to Christ simply because she knows that Jesus is more worth than a bottle of an expensive perfume. He deserves our best, our everything. She gave up what the world thought was necessary and valuable, in exchange for what really matters; her soul.

"But the fact that nothing should concern us more than our relationship with God; it's about ETERNITY, and nothing compares with that. God is not someone who can be tacked on to our lives." ~Francis Chan

But then there is always this Judas Iscariot in our lives who's gonna stop us from lavishing extravagantly for God, reminding us our desires to hold on to our riches, our finances, our acquisitions, our achievements and our valuables in this earthly life. (v.4-6)

I am really sick to my stomach whenever I hear people say to me, "Kim, you're doing too much and over what is necessary. Chill out and enjoy life." People who knows less, so to speak. They totally don't understand what they were talking about.

As much as it makes me sick, it also breaks my heart knowing that these people know nothing about truly being a follower of Christ. They settle with their okay devotions, not even concerning the thoughts of fully submitting to the Father. They assumed all their lives that they are Good Soils and that Heaven awaits for them because they live fairly, they give to the poor and they don't kill, cheat or hurt people. But God has been warning us that "not everybody who calls me 'Lord, Lord' will enter the kingdom of God. Only those who do My will." And yes, we can do and put on our Christian-y costumes but leave our hearts far away from God.

I agree much with Francis Chan when he wrote:

"God is holy. In heaven exists a Being who decides whether or not I take another breath. This holy God deserves excellence, the very best I have."

I don't even think I serve God enough with my too much. I do not even consider myself giving back even an enough percentage of love to Him. Even my whole lifetime can't be enough to reimburse Him what He'd given me.

But I won't try any harder. I don't need to be His Child, for I already am! I just simply want to rest on this truth and lay my head on His arms"The solution is not to push yourself into behaving perfectly; the solution is to cultivate your love for God.", said Francis.

God said, if we are to worship Him without our lives totally surrendered to Him, it's better to not worship at all. It's senseless for us to give every sacrifices if our motivation is not backed up with the overflowing love we have for Him and if we don't value Him more than anything else. Our worship must not be backed up by our guilt to giving nothing, instead because beyond the extremities of our ability, we can't simply give enough to repay Him of all the amazing things He has done in our lives.

To "love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind." is not just a phrase to be memorized, instead it is a quote to live by.

I would be much willing to be called as someone so obsessed with God, crazy about Jesus or crazy about my church, than to be called someone-in-love-with-the-world. That's not the kind of label I desire God to witness me in His last days.

For I know, the only well-spent time, money, and love are when they are spent in return to God's love. You know you never wasted what you lavished for Him.