Those Who Love the Lord

Have you ever felt like loving God is just in vain?

 Have you ever felt like living for Him just don't make sense at all?

Loving God? What's the point? Life is nothing but a dilemma; mountains over mountains! Why does living for God have to be in a narrow road? Why does it take tons of crosses to bear? Why does it have to be so hard?

As I grow in my relationship with God, I am learning how to set my heart completely to God; I established a desire to fall constantly in love with Jesus. In order to get a glimpse of this constant sweet surrender, I wanted to know how it looks like by closely perceiving the life of a man who loved God ideally: King David, the man after God's own heart. (Acts 13:22)

Reading through Psalms is fun! I have been meditating on these passages lately. Here I see a man who is deeply in love with God and who has an unbelievable intimacy with Him. This intimacy gave David the boldness and confidence to communicate to God in the most honest, most vulnerable and most straightforward way. In the course of more than hundred chapters of Psalms, many times have I seen David desperately questioned God about His faithfulness and assertively commanded Him what to do in his struggles. "Please, Lord rescue me! Quick! Come and help me!" (Psalm 40:13) Not to mention the awkward, consistent self-contradictions that David has to face chapter by chapter. One example is these two consecutive chapters in Psalm 21 and 22. David started praising God, "How the king rejoices in your strength, O Lord! How he exults in your salvation. For You have given him his heart's desire, everything he asks You for." (Psalm 21:1). But as soon as the next chapter started, he ironically complained to God, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me? Why do You refuse to help me or even to listen to my groans." (Psalm 22:1) Didn't he just literally negate his preceding statement? However, we don't know the span of time between those two chapters.

Although we are God's own people - chosen ones - we are not immuned to the perplexity of life. We can count on the overwhelming struggles, abounding trials, escalating distractions and sprouting choices we have to face everyday. So, we can not deny the fact that we can be like David at times; as quickly as a lighted candle melts, our trust, hope and focus dissipate in the cascade of overflowing testings. It is natural to react that way especially when our fear begins to creep in, our sight begins to look at the waves, our cognition begins to not understand. Why do we have to go through all of this? Where is God who promised to be there with us? Why are we, people who only want to obey and love God, overwhelmed, beaten and overcome?

Sometimes, everything just comes down to no sense at all. In spite of the fact that we all just want to love, obey and follow God, we reach to a point where we think that these desires are futile and in vain due to the extremety of our adversities. One time, David bursted out his cries to God in full desperation. "And yet for a time, O Lord, You have tossed us aside in dishonor and have not helped us in our battles. And all this happened, Lord, despite our loyalty to You. We have not violated Your 
covenant. Our hearts have not deserted You! We have not left Your path by a single step. If we had, we could understand You punishing us in the barren wilderness and sending us into darkness and death. If we had turned away from worshiping our God and were worshiping idols, would God know it? Yes, He knows the secrets of every heart, But that is not our case. For we are facing death threats constantly because of serving You. We are like sheeps awaiting slaughter." (Psalm 44: 9, 17-22)

For some reasons, we are so caught up by our troubles and God's promises are so hard to believe. Like David, we are being chased by countless enemies like physical and spiritual sickness, indebtedness, and bewilderment. All these things happened despite our loyalty to God. However, however, God's Word remains as true as who He is. And David continued to speak his way into the truth! He still believed even when it's hard to believe. He held on to God because he knows that apart from God, there is really no hope left. This verses also encourage me.

"None of those who have faith in God will ever be disgraced for trusting Him. Oh, let it be never be said that I trusted You in vain." ~Psalm 25:3, 19

David still believe that it will all make sense! The beauty in all these testings is that God Himself brought us to every storm in life; however, He also equiped and clothed us with this unquenchable, devouring and consuming faith, hope and trust in our hearts that can never be extinguished by any catastrophy. God later on showed His heart and spoke, "No, I don't need your sacrifices of flesh and blood. What I want from you is your true thanks; I want your promises fulfilled. I want you to trust me in your times of trouble, so I can rescue you and you can give me glory. But true praise is a worthy sacrifice; this really honors me. Those who walk  my paths will receive salvation from the Lord." -Psalm 50:13-15, 23

"The heart of God loves a persevering worshiper who, though overwhelmed by many troubles, is even more overwhelmed with the beauty of God." ~Matt Redman

On our knees we came to realize that God Himself never changes even when all things are. We then learn that in these tunnels of testings, being obedient in waiting and perseverant in patience are the keys to fully embrace God's glory; His Presence. His presence in the moments on hardship is the silverlining reward, exceeding peace and sufficient answer!

And to those who love the Lord, God promises us beautiful things.

• "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

• "You have endowed him with eternal happiness. You have given him the unquenchable joy of Your Presence. And because the King trusts in the Lord, he will never stumble, never fall; for he depends upon the steadfast love of God who is above all gods." ~Psalm 21:6-7

• "But the eyes of the Lord are watching over those who fear Him, who rely upon His steady love. He will keep them from death even in times of famine!" ~Psalm 33:19

• "If you belong to the Lord, reverence Him; for everyone who does this has everything he needs. Even the strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those of us who reverence the Lord will never lack any good thing." ~Psalm 34:9-10

• "Day by day the Lord observes the good deeds done by godly men, and gives them eternal rewards. He cares for them when are hard; even in times of famine, they will have enough." ~Psalm 37:18-19

• "I have been young and now I am old. And in all my years I have never seen the Lord forsakes a man who loves Him; nor have I seen the children of the godly go hungry." ~Psalm 37:25

• "No mere man has ever seen, heard, or even imagined what wonderful things God has ready for those who love the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 2:9

I am not done yet reading through Psalm but God has been encouraging my heart so much knowing that He honors all I do for Him and all the love I have for Him. So even when things are not well, even when it gets harder, I am still willing to say,

"Jesus, throw everything you want to throw at me! Big or small, I welcome it. Break me, wreck me, tear me apart all You want. But one thing will remain certain in my soul; I love You, no matter what!"


I am able and willing to stay true and faithful because He remains true and faithful to me regardless of my feelings and perception towards Him. He is that good! In addition, I know everything is gonna come with a price, it is not going to be in vain. For the Word says,

"Don't be impatient for the Lord to act! Keep traveling steadily along His pathway and in due season he will honor you with every blessing, and you will see the wicked destroyed. But the good man - the blameless, the upright, the man of peace - he has a wonderful future ahead of him. For him there is a happy ending." ~Psalm 37:37

It is all going to be worth it in the end. God will finish what He started in us. He is faithful and just.  He is honoring our hearts and in His kindness, He leaves us with this promise in light of our unquenchable love to Him that stays true in the midst of everything.

"For the Lord says, 'Because he loves Me, I will rescue him; I will make him great because he trusts in my Name. When he calls on Me, I will answer; I will be with him in trouble and rescue him and honor him. I will satisfy him with a full life and give him my salvation." ~Psalm 91:14-15

How Blessed I Am

Insecure, jealous, lonely, burnt out, lost,  desperate, uncertain, inadequate, empty, left behind, in-denial, sinful,  ungrateful,   insatiable,  miserable,   hopeless 

             Three sweet years ago, I was the kind of person nobody would like. I used to live in the dark world of compromise and self-fulfillment. Compliment, favor, flattery and praise were all my self-worth. I was always the most attention-seeking, people-pleasing, acceptance-pursuing damsel behind somebody's shadow. I guess, I was the most bitter, ungrateful, hardest and unhappiest person at that time; not because of what I have and don't have and what I went through or not, but simply because I drowned myself in gigantic despair.

           Now, I am here facing my computer with an offensive smile, laughing at the thoughts of my past life. If I would have a mirror in front of me with a now-and-before reflection, I would have a painful bruise from a slap of my previous self's vexation because of the grin of embarrassment in the look of my face. Like a very sarcastic, "Girl, what have you put yourself through? What a waste of excessive bitterness over your own insecurities!" I would be outrageously mad, back then.

           Well, that's the story of my petty, messy, heavy-laden old self.

And now, looking back...

          O' how I love looking back at my past! It always brings me back to the place of gratefulness and humility; understanding how I need God in my life and how I don't want to go back in that same position, old version of me. "Remember that in those days you were living utterly apart from Christ; you were enemies of God's children, and He had promised you no help. YOU WERE LOST, WITHOUT GOD, WITHOUT HOPE." ~Ephesians 2:23

           Finding myself on that first time I fell at Jesus' feet, time and again, is such a very humbling and vital experience that any of us should never neglect. It's good to always come back to that epic day when our lives have drastically changed by His amazing grace, that way we will never miss out of the ever-changing freshness of this sweet revelation of God's goodness in our lives. And God has done enormously of the most precious things in my life that I will never forget!

     "Praise the Lord , my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord , my soul, and forget not all his benefits— who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's." ~Psalm 103:1-5

            Acknowledging His unconditional love and tender mercies always blow my head off. Who am I? What am I? What did I do and not do? Why did He love me when I'm most unlovable? Why is He so kind and faithful and gracious and loving and, and ...?" These are some of my curious questions. And God answered me little by little.

"But God is so rich in mercy; HE LOVED US SO MUCH that even though we were spiritually dead and doomed by our sins, He gave us back our lives again when He raised Christ from the dead---only by His undeserved favor have we ever been saved---and lifted us from the grave into glory along with Christ, where He sit with Him in the heavenly realms---all because of what Christ Jesus did." ~Ephesians 2:4

            It's NEVER because of who we are, but it's because of everything He is. It's NEVER because of what we have done, but it's because of what Christ had done. It's NEVER because we chose to follow Him, but it's because He first chose us even before the world ever existed.

"Long ago, even before He made the world, GOD CHOSE US TO BE HIS VERY OWN THROUGH WHAT CHRIST WOULD DO FOR US; He decided then to make us holy in His eyes, without a single fault---we who stand before Him covered with His love. HIS UNCHANGING PLAN HAS ALWAYS BEEN TO ADOPT US INTO HIS OWN FAMILY BY SENDING JESUS CHRIST TO DIE FOR US. And He did this because He wanted to!" ~Ephesians 1:4-5

                "There is nothing more humbling than to know that God Himself CHOSE us, among everyone else to be His friends and His sons and daughters. Why are you the one that He saved? Why not that annoying person who holds up the line? Why not that nice person who helps the poor with more than you do? Why not your close friend who was always there for you? Why you? Why me? I don't know why. But there's only one thing that I know: If God's grace had never come through in my life, I would never be this happy, content and satisfied, I would never like my life in the first place. Never."

               I will never forget of the pit which God has risen me up from, the sea of desperation and needless yearnings He helped me disembark from, and the monster on my own frame He rescued me from, for out of this awareness comes the overflowing thanksgiving from my mouth! "For I can never forget these awful years; always my soul will live in utter shame. But there is one ray of HOPE: HIS COMPASSION NEVER ENDS. It is only the Lord's mercies that have kept us from complete destruction. GREAT IS HIS FAITHFULNESS; HIS LOVING KINDNESS BEGINS AFRESH EACH DAY. My soul claims the Lord as my inheritance; therefore I WILL HOPE IN HIM. The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait for Him, to those who seek for Him. It is good both to hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." ~Lamentations 3:2o-25

               Wow! God, this is so crazy! Truly, blessed are those who chose to follow Jesus, who received His salvation by faith, who humbled themselves constantly to the Lord, who sought His face and His kingdom first, whose trust is in the Lord alone, who learned to acclaim Him and who persisted on walking in the light of His presence! The Bible says that, ""King David spoke of this describing the HAPPINESS of an undeserving sinner who is declared "NOT GUILTY" by God. 'BLESSED and to be ENVIED,' he said, 'are those whose sins are forgiven and put out of sight. Yes, what a JOY  there is for anyone whose sins are no longer counted against him by the Lord.'" ~Romans 4:6-7

               After everything that I had become before and all that I had done wrong, God looked past all of that. Knowing that "because of what Christ has done, we have become GIFTS TO GOD THAT HE DELIGHTS IN, as part of God's sovereign plan we were chosen from the beginning to be His," (Ephesians 1:11) And I can never be more than grateful. I can safely say that I'm one of the living testimonies of God's ultimate power to transforming lives and to making everything new! Yes, I'm still on the on-going process of being what God has called me to be, but fully grasping and being rooted with my salvation and blessed hope are enough to get me there. This is not a make-believe kind of thing. This is not a mere interesting idea that I just made up on my mind, something so wonderful that it feels surreal. 

No, this is the TRUTH! And this is my testimony.

Philippians 3:12:

                 "I don't mean to say I am PERFECT. I haven't learned all I should even yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to be."                                                                                           

Running In Circles

"I'm so forgetful but You always remind me

You're the only One who brings me peace

You're the only One who brings me peace

So I come, Lord I come

I come, I come

To tell you I love You

To tell you I need You

To tell You there's no better place for me than in Your arms

To tell You I'm sorry for running in circles

For placing my focus on the waves and not Your face

You're the only one who brings me peace

You're the only one who brings me peace"

    Lately, I've been just so busy with my life, my distractions, my battles. I found a great danger in own walk with God when I feel like I get petty revelations from Him. I feel so caught up with myself, my own ways, that I became too complacent and too insensitive of His presence. But to make it clear, God has been pressing in some new revelations  within me to rekindle my faith; I was just so busy to put it up on words. My heart and mind were just all over the place, running in circles.

              Praise be to God that even when I'm too dumb to take Him for granted, He never fails. So I've been meditating on this verse that God has given me this week. It's so powerful and alive!

               "Even when we are too WEAK to have any faith left, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US and will help us, for He cannot disown us who are PART OF HIMSELF, and He will always carry out His promises to us." ~2Timothy 2:13

      It's so overwhelming to know that even when our loyalty to God fails, HE STILL REMAINS FAITHFUL TO US. Our feelings CANNOT change His faithfulness; HE NEVER CHANGES. Even when we choose not to trust Him because it feels like it doesn't make sense, it only takes a blind man to see the invisible. But then again, it doesn't change His character towards us. So loving and kind, slow to anger and rich in love! 

                I can't still understand how God does this; how His mercies are new every morning, how He is so patient with us ungrateful, proud mere creatures, how He Himself, the Creator, reminds us of His unfailing love and unwavering faith that we'll see the way He sees and how He lets us savor and experience His grace again  and again, with new perspective and encounter.

                In the midst of the hurricane in my heart and knot-tied chaos on my head, He is the peace in the middle of the storm. He is the arm that catches me at the edge. His wing covers me, and declared me perfect instead on His eyes of mercy. He lets me come boldly to His throne with unveiled eyes and with unashamed soul. He came through to my every despair, He had always come through to carry out His promises for me!

                I love How He sweep me off my feet like this! My Spirit leaps for joy to know that I have a Father like this----the only perfect Father who loves me perfectly, all of me, despite me! A constant Lover and Forgiver, who's mercy and grace never run out of me.