This is the greatest testing I've ever experienced so far: Doubting Jesus and the Cross!
I don't know why God allowed me to experience this but I would never want to dwell on this anymore! I choose to stand up for my faith and for the Truth!
I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN CHRIST JESUS! I OFFER UP MY VERY SELF UPON THE CROSS! I SPEAK IN TRUTH OF HIS WORD THAT HE IS HE! I DECLARE HIS UNENDING LOVE FOR ME! I ABANDON ANY STRAND OF DOUBT ABOUT HIM! I BANISH QUESTIONS OF HIM! I LEAN ON HIS WISDOM AND NOT OF MINE AND THE WORLD'S! I PLACE THE ENEMY AND HIS SCHEMES UNDER MY FEET! I LIFT THIS HANDS IN PRAISE OF HIS MIGHTY SACRIFICE! I ACKNOWLEDGE THE BLOOD HE SHED FOR ME! I TAKE PART OF HIS BODY AND INDWELL THE SPIRIT IN ME! I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN JESUS!
I choose to believe beyond logic and cognition! I may not feel Him tangibly, hear Him audibly, and see Him actually, but I speak in truth that He is Real, He is True, He is God, He is He!
"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." ~1Peter 1:6-9
There's nothing in this world I'd rather be than in His Presence, in His Truth! I still willingly waste my life for Christ Jesus and pour my love on Him!
Without Him, indeed, I am nothing! I can never be forgiven, I can never be called Beloved, I can never go to the Father, I can never have a purpose, I can never have blessed hope!
"You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place." ~Revelation 2:3-5
In this great testing, I thought God has forsaken me coz after I repented, I still lack that same spark, same love, same excitement and enthusiasm I used to have. I am in great distress, how many times have I cried for His rescue! Yet I don't wanna believe on Satan's one more lie! God has never forsaken me, I did when I chose to be swayed by the enemy's schemes, when I let my physical emotions crippled my understanding of His presence, when I grieved the Holy Spirit in me when I chose not to listen to Him. It is I.
I guess, this is what God really wants me to learn: "To work out my salvation with fear and trembling", to really thirst of His unquenchable love and to awaken my First Love, Jesus!
I've gone so far, gone through so many for me to give up on Him! I will wait on Him, I still wait on His voice again! I will not grow weary anymore, I will work out this love so patient, kind and persevering!
I still wanna be found faithful at the end of my life! I will let every beat of my heart offered to Jesus, for I may have lived 30, 40 or more years but it's just the singlemost sand out of the vast oceans and seas accumulated to be compared in eternity and present sufferings, which are nothing, to be compared with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
My time here on earth is as petty as I can imagine. That's why I continue to press in and win this race set before me! I want to receive the greater good and greater reward: Jesus! I wanna be found faithful and hear Him say, ''Well done, my good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:23)
I will look upon the Cross again and let Thy mighty Holy Spirit revive and restore my soul, realigning my heart to Jesus! For I know He will fulfill the plans He set before me, plans to give me a good future. A good future which is crystal clear: being with Him forever!
Also taking hold of His promise, that He will never leave nor forsake me, regardless f the outward circumstances. Carrying me in the visible footprints. "Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for He is with me" (Psalm 23:4) Remembering that He knew what He was getting into when He called me, being chosen even before I was born and been conceived on my parent's mind. He is my Beginning and my Ending, the Author and Finisher of my faith! (Hebrews 12:12)
"So why does God still loves us, despite us? I do not have an answer to this question. But I do know that if God's mercy didn't exist, there would be no hope." ~Francis Chan
Truly without Christ there would be no hope! So I'll just acknowledge His True Love for me all the days of my life! I choose to believe!
I agree with Apostle Paul in this prayer not only for myself but to all the people, Jews and Gentiles, for everyone needs a Savior, everyone needs Christ!
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." ~Ephesians 3:16-19
I declare in His mighty Name that I will always be His daughter He so fondly loves! No one can take that away from me, not even the gate kf Hades! My walk with Christ will never be perfect ... UNLESS He is not with me! I'll continue on with my love for Him and I will never exchange this to something else knowing that we're inseperable!
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." ~Romans 8:35, 37-39
I am fully convinced of this Truth! And as what Kim Walker-Smith has said, I know, I will also live in the fruit of this moment! Amen!
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