Here in my Life

"How do I know God is real? 

I am not the same old person I was before. 

Only a powerful Being could ever do such change in a person's life. Only the Creator can transform the human being He very created."

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            My life was totally different three years ago. It's very fascinating how a single opportunity could change your whole lifetime. How a simple acquaintance could change every single part of your life, your reality, and yourself.

            Before being invited by a friend to a Christian Church, my life was merely a rough quest for insatiable love and acceptance. Insecure for having an unchangeable flaw, unsatisfied for having an incomplete family, curious for things I shouldn't be curious about, and despaired from the countless rejections I had received. I've done crazy, stupid things I couldn't imagine now doing and I've basically turned into a person who's locked down in self-pity. And though that's the case, there was still this solitary faith in the depths of my soul, even before truly meeting Jesus Christ. I knew a person, a good version of me, deep inside awaiting to be revealed. I knew long before that I was made for a greater purpose. I knew there was hope for me.  I knew I can't stay forever in that dark world I locked myself into. So I've waited, and waited, until God finally came through.

I can't remember how it all started, but I just found myself miraculously in this church God has lead me to. I must confess that my mere intention for the first three months of going there was to see this person I really adored over the past few years. (It was a very special story, more like a miracle, of how I met this person; it convinces me that it was all God who made a way for me to know Him through him) In spite of the specialness of this encounter with him, our camaraderie has been awful and awkward. And to make the long story short, we haven't really became friends and absolutely not became more than that. But what I thought was the ending of my story, turned out to be the beginning of something bigger and better!

  With my fingers crossed, I just hoped for the best in the church God has placed me. And instead of leaving that church, because of my bitterness, God showed me that that's where I perfectly belonged! God has slowly drawn me closer to Himself in my weakness and brokenness from this Bridge He used to lead me to Christ. I found myself wanting to talk to Him more than ever, sharing my heartaches and butterflies all together. I was really messed up at that time, and out of my great desperation to move on from that guy, I learned to call on to God for help and healing, and He never failed me. God consistently pursued my heart and assured me that there's no one else who deserved my great love, except Him. He showed me the way to His heart that brought healing, happiness and peace on mine. It is true that He can really heal hearts, and  turn the bitter into sweet. And then, He planted the seed of salvation in my heart and I saw how beautifully He nurtured it to grow! Everything was falling into right places until I never knew I was gradually falling in love with Jesus Christ. Not long after, I saw Jesus winning my heart, taking the first place He rightly deserves and having to be my First love! That's when I realized that I had never felt so alive, satisfied and free in my life until I finally get to love God wholeheartedly!

And now, if you ask me how grateful I am to God?

There is no amount of words that could contain how much I regard God's presence in my life! I can never thank Him enough for all the things He's done for me. I can never even enumerate every single material blessings He's given me, but I absolutely thank God for my biological and spiritual family (Hosanna World Mission Church, Philippines: My home church) and especially my Jesus Risen Lord Alliance Fellowship Church family where I really grew spiritually matured, learned how to be a worshiper, and my other callings in life. Not to mention my awesome friends and colleagues who have been there for me all this time.

But above all, I am forever thankful to God that He loved me when I haven't really had the intention to love Him in the first place. He sought for me when I haven’t really sought after Him. He loved me on my weakness. He loved me over my insecurities and sins. He looked beyond all my present faults and past transgressions and gave me newness of life. He completely turned me into a better person I far off imagined I would be. I mean for sure I am absolutely not perfect, I still stumble so many times in my walk, but understanding God’s patience and faithfulness to me is more than enough to keep me going in this faith. And now, looking back, I neither imagine nor want my life in any other way than how it is like right now. For there is no amount of honor that could ever top the privilege of having been called a daughter of the Most High God, and to be a gift He delights in through what Christ has done for me (Ephesians 1:11). And those are the very reasons why I'm overwhelmingly grateful, that I came to understand this treasure of knowing God which is really far above anything in this world.

"And really, where would I be now without God here in my life? What if His grace did not find me on my weakness? What if He has chosen another daughter instead of me? What would've happened to me if He gave up on me when I'm all wrecked? How would my life look like if there's no presence of Him? How would I live my life if God never called me to Him? Would I still be this happy and satisfied? Would I love my life at all? What if none of the things I shared earlier ever happened?"

I want to share with you all the Bible verse that I live by, it is found in Isaiah 43:1-5. 

“But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush[a] and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.” (Others died that you might live; I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me and honored, and I love you. TLB)

I am called by the Living God for Himself. He welcomed me in a relationship with which I'm in the center of His affection. He called me to intimacy which envelopes the deep desires of my heart. He said that I am PRECIOUS to Him, I am HONORED and I am so LOVED by Him that's why He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins. He exchanged His life for my sake! What kind of love is this! How can I not be moved by this grace? How can I ask for more?

Here in my life, I am extremely blessed by even having the opportunity to see God's goodness and glory, and to move His heart through my sweet surrender. I am a Beloved who is so captivated by the unfailing love of the Father. To have pleasure be written in my Savior's face is my existence's greatest purpose. All the glory is Yours forever! Glory to the Name of Jesus!

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